I picked Bama, but am oh so glad that Nick Saban went down.

I picked Ole Miss, but am oh so glad the Cats won. (I have no thoughts one way or the other on Houston Nutt’s “resignation,” except to say that it’s not often that UK football is a catalyst for a coaching change at another school.) Oh yeah, better Houston than Joker.

I picked West Virginia but am of so glad that the Mountaineers and their smug Fletcher Christian of a coach, Dana Holgorsen, were slobberknocked by my Louisville Cardinals.

Plus Willie Taggert’s surging Western Kentucky Hilltoppers won again to make it 5 in a row, and Cincy won, which means the Big East might actually have a school competing in the BCS that’s legit.

And, now for this weekend’s sure fire selections for victory.

Nebraska @ Penn State. It’s the Cornhuskers vs. the Cornholers in what is sure to be the most watched game of the weekend. Will Pontiff JoPa still be roaming the Nittany Lion sidelines in Not So Happy Valley? Will Tom Ridge be the new Penn State prexy by then? Will Jerry Sandusky be spotted in the locker room? Stay tuned. It could be most very interesting. Bo Pelini’s got some tsouris himself. Nebraska lost at home last weekend to Northwestern. I trust there were a few bar fights in Lincoln last Saturday night. Meanwhile Penn State’s 3d ranked scoring defense has led the offensively bereft Paternos to the most lackluster 8-1 record in the land. It’s hard to fathom that irascible sweatshirt-wearing Bo Pelini might be more lovable now than the formerly venerated Pontiff JoePa. But . . . well . . . he is. Good Karma — read: Nebraska — beats Bad Bad Bad Karma.

Navy @ SMU. Though somewhat under the radar, this Big East battle intrigues. Mustang mentor June Jones — not be confused with my jayvee coach at J.M. Atherton, Junie Jones — has Southern Methodist back on track. The Dallas school spent decades in pigskin purgatory after receiving the death penalty for egregious recruiting practices. SMU has been to two straight bowl games, and has already reached the holy grail standard of college football for this season, i.e. “bowl eligibility.” Unless Ken Niumatalolo’s Middies win out, they’ll miss their first post season game in years. They won’t. Won’t win out, that is. That streak ends this weekend in Big D Little A Double L A S. Next year, this one could be for a berth in the Orange Bowl.

Oregon @ Stanford. The Quack has won 8 in a row since the opening game L to LSU. Which ain’t looking so bad in retrospect. This in spirt of the fact that Oregon has been wearing some unusually sedate unis. (As if Phil Knight has ceded the Cockamamie Uni crown to his Under Armour counterpart who is Maryland’s haberdasher.) The question for Stanford is whether we hold it against Heisman lock/ first draft pick lock Andrew Luck that his dad is AD at West Virginia? Okay, it’s not a question for me. I hold it against him. While Stanford, with its student athletes is everything that is right about college football — And where have we heard that before? — I love my duck. Be it Hong Kong style. Or Beijing style. Or Oregon Quack style. Plus I can’t see the Quack taking the field for this prime tussle in anything but the most outré unis in the history of sports. Quack.

Kentucky @ Vanderbilt. Welcome to the Houston Nutt Bowl. UK has one SEC W. Against Ole Miss. Vandy has one SEC W. Against Ole Miss. No wonder Archie/Eli Manning University is in the market for another football coach. The Commodores have been playing league foes a lot tighter than usual. With the exception of Bama, who toyed with Vandy in Tuscaloosa. Kentucky has had some trouble with the NashVegans though the years. Not a good thing. The Cats have had trouble with just about every foe this season. Not a good thing. It continues Saturday. Home team wins.

Pittsburgh @ Louisville. Louisville will win. I need to say it from the get go, rather than tooling you along with bon mots and saving the revelation of my pick until the precious end. I need to say it because Charlie Strong is telling that to his players this week. They must learn to play well as the favorite. What an unusual situation. The Panthers are not Dave Wannstedt awful. They’d be contending in the easier ACC I believe. But 4-5 is not what fans were hoping for in the Todd Graham era. The Cardinals week to week improvement is stunning to say the least, confirming that Charlie Strong indeed deserved that new contract for mo’ money. The Cards learn to win as a favorite, making them — all together now — “bowl eligible.”

– Seedy K

Yesterday it was widely reported that West Virginia’s membership was not a done deal, and that the selection process was on hold until Missouri confirmed its intentions. It was also reported that the Big 12′s “change of mind” was a result of “heavy lobbying” by and on behalf of U of L. It is reported that Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell, Louisville alum, lobbied former congressman Kent Hance, now Texas Tech chancellor, and former senate colleague David Boren, now president of University of Oklahoma.

Hance has confirmed the contact. Neither Boren nor McConnell has issued a statement.

One can only imagine the gist of the conversation between such inveterate politicos as David Boren and Mitch McConnell.

“Hello, President Boren speaking.”

“David, Mitch McConnell.”

“Welll howdy there Mr. Minority Leader. To what do I owe the honor of a call this fine day from the Honorable Senior Senator from the great commonwealth of Kentucky?”

“David, you know I’m a Louisville alumni . . . ”

(Laughing) “Mitch, of course. How could I forget the red Cardinal tie you wore in the chambers the morning after you all beat Duke in 1986? You wouldn’t let us take up any other business until you got your proclamation on the record. And we sure did share some joy when you all slammed the Longhorns, back in, what, ’93? I remember you telling me how they packed ol’ Bevo up sometime in the third quarter. Wish I’d a been there. Hell, if that ol’ blowhard Howard Schellenberger hadn’t won that one so big, I might never have let my AD hire him here. Supreme Commander, Sooner Nation. The guy could coach, but sometime he was too big for his britches.”

“Uh, sorry about all that. We weren’t’ so happy when you snatched him away. But you all landed on your feet when you got Stoops. Anyway, David, you know that I love my Cardinals the way you love your Sooners. Tough loss, by the way, last weekend, my condolences. We’ve been taking our lumps on the gridiron lately, but we’re on our way back.”

“You got a good one in that Charlie Strong, Mitch. Jurich did a good job nabbing him. That Kragthorpe guy sure left the cupboard bare, didn’t he?”

“Indeed. And he landed at LSU, of all places. Anyway, David, here’s why I called. You know this Big East were in is falling apart faster than Obama’s economic plan. And, well, I’ll just say it. We’d love to join you all in your league. We got a great athletic department, you know?”

“I understand you got things going there. But, you know, Mitch, it’s really out of my hands. I’m not the decision maker.”

“Come on, David. You’re talking to me. I know you are going to have your say in this. You haven’t gone soft on me, have you?”

“Okay, sure. But those bastards in Austin are swinging those big ass horns around like the own the whole pen. Plus there are some folks out here that think West Virginia will be a better fit. State school and all. Better football.”

“I hear you, David. But, I sure do need your help on this one. Remember back when the senate was considering that tornado relief measure? Oklahoma was hit pretty hard, if I recall. And you wanted to throw in that extra $3 million or so, for some social program your wife loved in Pushmataha County. I’d always kid you about the name. But you needed some help to get it through from across the aisle.”

“I do remember, Mitch. And I’m much obliged. You helped get that thing passed. And helped calm things down at home. Much appreciated.”

“Well, David, I’m calling in my chits. I really need your help getting Louisville into the Big 12. You understand how important this is for my alma mater.”

“I do, Mitch. And I hear what you’re saying. Lord amighty, I’m glad ol’ Robert Byrd, may he rest in peace, isn’t still around. If he knew what we’re talking about, that ol’ Mountaineer would call us into his office for a whipping.”

(Smile) “Yes, indeed he would. But Robert’s passed on now. It’s Rockefeller and Manchin, and I can take care of them. David, I’m counting on you. You’ve got to help us on this.”

“Mitch, all I can promise is, I’ll do my best.”

“David, you’re a mighty persuasive guy. If you give it your best, we’ll be in fine shape. Thanks. I’ll check back with you tomorrow, if that’s okay?”

“Sure, Mitch, anytime. Give my best to Elaine.”

“Thanks, David. We’ll be in touch.”

– Seedy K

Schnell on the Schneid.

Schnell opened his new stadium at Florida Atlantic, a program he’s built from scratch. The inagural game’s foe was on the rise but still relatively hapless Western Kentucky. I wrote earlier in the week that it would be a bowl game for the Fighting Owls. FAU AD Craig Angelos confirmed this in a post game comment. “We wanted this to be a bowl game.”

The Schnell never lost a bowl game.

Until yesterday.

Fighting Owls 0, Hilltoppers 20.

It wasn’t that close.

FAU had three times as many yards in penalties as they did rushing. 8/71 vs. 25/25. Six 1st downs. Four — count ‘em — 4 return yards. Nine punts.

College Football’s Poet Laureate was beside himself.

“Oh boy,” were the first words he uttered to assembled media after the shutout.

“I’ve never been in this situation before.

“We had such a wonderful story going in, and we had a really different and bad story going out.

“I was feeling like a proud father watching a baby being born . . .

At the end, considering the joy of opening his stadium compared with the desultory play of his team, His Verboseness articulated, “That made the wonderfulness of the day melt into the agony of where we are as a football team.”

Before we leave this Battle in Boca, some props for Willie Taggert and his Western Kentucky Toppers. They’ve won two in a row for the first time since ’07, and their first FBS shutout.

* * * * *

Cards Crap Out. Reality has set in for the Louisville Football Cardinals.

I must remind myself once again that I should have known this year was going to be tougher than last, Charlie Strong’s first at the helm. Too young. Too raw. Too tentative. Too many penalties.

The offensive line continues to struggle. Perhaps more mightily than Card fans might have hoped.

Some of what caught my eye. Eli Rogers being caught from behind by a linebacker on that long pass play down the sideline. Throwing a pass on 3d & Goal at the 1/2 yard line. Mike Evans big time 63 yard pick six. Philpott’s steady field goalery. 3d & 38.

Next up: Big East’s surprise team of the year. Rutgers, which stands 5-1.

* * * * *

Texas Tames Tigers. Not much to say about this one, except that the team with the best pitching staff, best hitters top to bottom and least number of significant injuries won. Period.

Somehow it’s easier to take when your team is throttled like Detroit was last night. That early two run lead dissipated quickly. And with terrible swift sword.

It allowed for contemplation of a season well played.

And to consider what Dave Dombrowski is looking at for next season. More help at 3d. Some back up behind the plate. Maturation on the mound.

* * * * *

Holy Trinity may be just a Top Two. Oklahoma is good. (And, to be honest, cross state rival Oklahoma State, with its almost 30something QB, is probably better.)

LSU and Alabama are great college football teams. What they are doing in the SEC, a conference so much better than the others it’s not even open for argument, is simply astounding.

* * * * *

Enough is Enough. The college basketball season hasn’t started yet and I’m already way tired of the UK/ U of L pissiness. Matt Jones’ totally uncalled for “joke” at the UK luncheon. Coach Cal’s verbal shots across the bow. The Rick’s petulant retorts.

Just ball, for heavens’ sake.

* * * * *

Tigers Tamed. Will Lions Roar? Time for my Detroit Tigers throwback to go back on the shelf. And to invoke the spirit of Bobby Layne, Doak Walker and my main man, Night Train Lane.

Lions and 49ers in a big one at 1:00. That, thank the football dieties, is not a typo.

* * * * *

Mo’ later.

– Seedy K

He led his Florida Atlantic Fighting Owls to slaughter, in the name of mo’ money. Their first three games were at Florida, at Michigan State and at Auburn.

O’er the ramparts Schnell (with a healing hip) watched the rocket’s red glare, bombs bursting in air. The rockets and bombs belonged to the Gators, Spartans and Tigers.

Ever the patriot and loyal, College Pigskin’s Poet Laureate waxed constitutional: “We got the first third (of the season) out of the way without giving up life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

Long may his FAU banner yet wave. At least until the end of the season when he sadly steps down.

This week the Fighting Owls play someone their own size: Louisiana Lafayette’s Ragin’ Cajuns.

– Seedy K

My search is on for replacement candidates.

Here are the first two contestants

Coach Green, come on down.

Now, for contestant #2. Coach Bennett, come on down.

If there any more contenders out there, please let Seedy K know?

– Seedy K

First, his new hip started cramping in the team bus, causing a detour to the hospital. He ended up watching his charges from the press box, a first for The Pipe.

How did he feel about that?

“I don’t like it at all and I’m not going to be up there any more.” He brought this addendum, “On the sidelines I want to make sure I have enough quicks to protect myself and stay alive.”

How did it happen, Coach?

“I crossed my legs across two seats. Like an idiot I continued to rehab while we were on the bus.”

The game itself was no less painful.

“It was bleak in that first and second quarter.

“I watched the game unfold, (and) it became obvious either we weren’t prepared mentally for the game or we didn’t expect them to be as good as they were. But more important than that is I can’t determine how hard they played and I can’t determine how talented or lack of talent we have because we made an error on almost every play that we had.”

The above quotes were taken from a story by Tom D’Angelo in the Palm Beach Post (Sept 3, ’11)

UGAly is the descriptor that immediately comes to mind. I’m so sure there were decades-long UGa faithful, rushing to the restrooms to hurl chunks when their beloved Bulldogs ran onto the field in unis that would embarrass even a Texas high school footballer.

Now I love me some unique garb. It’s why I’ve latched onto the Phil Knight Ducks. But those red and black and silver Georgia duds were . . . well . . . duds. And I know Knight might be the most powerful guy in college pigskin — save for Mike Slive — but why on earth would a guy sitting on the hottest seat in the land spit in the face of tradition as Richt did last night? With icon Herschel Walker in the house no less.

Georgia 21, Boise State 35 might be the least of Richts problems this a.m.

* * * * *

The Broncos from PotatoLand were the flip side of the equation. Their KnightTime apparel looked positively classy, when compared to their old orange & blue outfits and that worn by the guys on the other side of the ball.

Plus, given Boise State’s less than daunting slate the rest of the way, last night’s W will lead to the usual colloquy whether they deserve BCS “title” game consideration? They get Nevada and TCU on the blue turf, and only Fresno State and Colorado State appear somewhat threatening on the road.

Until the PAC 12 doubles to the PAC Double Dozen and includes the Broncos — which might not be that far off — Chris Petersen’s charges appear to be in the hunt every season, given their Mountain West competition.

Their recent successes and rise to prominence raise this question: Which is the more improbable story, Boise State’s ascension in football, or Butler’s in basketball?

* * * * *

Meanwhile, LSU, donned in old school trad hearkening back to Billy Cannon and the Chinese Bandits, blasted my Quack. Oregon was resplendent in charcoal gray and iridescent green, but were thin and over-matched on the JerryDome turf.

Hats off to often dissed Steve Kragthorpe. He perfectly prepped backup LSU QB Jarrett Lee.

* * * * *

Two significant records were set in Notre Dame’s opening game loss to the BEast’s South Florida.

1) Most weather delays during a game. That NBC finally gave up and showed its normal prime time programming with a Notre Dame game still to be decided may be the surest sign of global warming yet., and

2) Most F-Bombs ever allowed by the FCC on network television. Irish coach Brian Kelly showed what a compassionate fellow he is, berating an assistant — with extreme prejudice — when the team failed to make a first down. Verbally enlarging WR T.J. Jones’ sphincter after an interception in the red zone. Melting replacement QB Tommy Rees’s facemask with a tirade after he called a timeout before a two-point conversion attempt.

The Notre Dame coach, apparently not quite yet imbued with the spirit and tradition of Touchdown Jesus, shall be known now and forevermore, at least here, as F-Bomb Kelly. That’s assuming that his next tirade doesn’t cause his head to explode, which would more than likely force his retirement.

* * * * *

In his 14th season under center for the University of Houston, Case Keenum led the Cougers to victory over UCLA, 38-34.

After the game, the QB said what all Houston fans wanted to hear, “I love it here in Houston, and I intend to end my career right here playing for Kevin Sumlin. I have no intention of transferring or being traded anywhere else.”

* * * * *

If there’s another game this season as entertaining as Baylor’s 50-48 fall-from-way-ahead-then-come-from-behind upset over TCU Friday night, I can’t wait to see it.

I know D wins. But O — lots of back & forth O — is what we love to watch.

* * * * *

Best Dressed Coach of Weekend: Bronco Mendenhall. Much to the Tri Delts dismay, the BYU mentor showed up at The Grove, Ole Miss’s iconic game day old south tradition, in a gray t-shirt.

Then, down 0-13, the newly independent Mormons talled two TDs late in the 4th to prevail.

By the by, wasn’t that Rebel QB Zack Stoudt once upon a time, U of L’s Next Great Signal Caller?

* * * * *

Co-Winners of Close But No Cigar Award: Middle Tennessee and Utah State. Both gave up Ws in the final seconds, the former in West Lafayette, the latter against defending “national champion” Auburn.

* * * * *

As if we needed more proof that time, indeed, marches on inexorably. The Schnell, apparently in extreme discomfort from recent hip surgery, coached his Fighting Owls from the press box against Florida, instead of the sideline.

– Seedy K

]]> http://score.leoweekly.com/2011/09/04/mmqb-f-bombs-sartorial-knightmares/feed/ 3 http://score.leoweekly.com/2011/09/03/schnellspeak-90311/ http://score.leoweekly.com/2011/09/03/schnellspeak-90311/#comments Sat, 03 Sep 2011 11:52:43 +0000 c d kaplan http://score.leoweekly.com/?p=6826 The hippest coach in America stopped in for a quick check up on the way to today’s game.

The Schnell had a new hip put in right as fall practice started. Apparently he was in some discomfort yesterday, so he made a pit stop at hospital before the bus with team and coaches took off for Gainesville for today’s game against mighty Florida. It’s apparently a place from which QBs don’t return.

Coach Quote didn’t let a little pain get in the way of his usual precise perspective.

“We’re going into a place where a lot of quarterbacks have gone in and haven’t come out.”

The Fighting Owls are a five touchdown underdog.

– Seedy K

Here’s on thing I know he’s said so far. Schnell the Pragmitist: “If our two programs were closer together in their development and level in which they are playing, yeah, it would be more difficult to get ready for a team like that. They (Florida) have to understand that if they play a sound game and hard fought game they surely should win the game.”

After Florida, FAU visits defending BCS champ Auburn and Michigan State. Schnell the Optimist opined on how his undermanned charges will find the experience: “That was part of the reason why they came here.”

Bad hip. Final Season. College pigskin’s most engaging Quote forges ahead, undaunted.

– Seedy K

But he’s hobbling around the FAU practice grounds, grousing back into syntactical shape for the upcoming season.

Schnell the Provocateur was brief and full of pith when commenting on his defense after they picked off four passes in a weekend scrimmage.

“The provoke the big play.”

* * * * *

Meanwhile conjecture is beginning to amp up re: Schnell’s successor.

Big names being floated about include The Tarnished Trio: Butch Davis, Mike Leach and Randy Shannon. Among the crop of realistic possibilities, Willie Taggert’s name has been mentioned.

– Seedy K