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Back in Biz: Sporting Scene with a Gangsta Lean

c d kaplan — Tue, 07 May 2013 14:40:43 +0000

I have no idea what my title means.

Hope it got your attention, and you now realize after almost two weeks away that I’m baaaaaaaaaaack. Open for business.

One more caveat. I’m not totally on my game yet. And, apparently, Golden State didn’t have quite enough last night in San Antonio. I figured it was quite a game — and confirmed it this morning when I watched the highlights — when I was trying to sleep and my friend David kept texting me.

Which texts I ignored. I had an early wake up call this Tuesday morning — it’s movie review day — and was trying to get to sleep. Actually I think he was showing off, proving he could stay up late. Truth, probably, is that he fell asleep at 7:30 or so and woke up in time to relish the second half of the Western Division semi-final.

Nor did I see the OT of my Red Wings comeback against the Mighty Ducks in Game #4 of that first round Stanley Cup series. Same reason applies.

Buuuuuuut, I did watch the Bulls gutty W in Miami. And the Wings 3d period anschluss in Hockeytown to send that game into extra innings.

So, here comes some of the usual pithy blather from a pundit still in spring training mode.

* * * * *

For me, there’s no sporting “event” quite as inconsequential as the NFL draft. It all seems yet another World Wide Leader made for TV, made for Mel Kiper commercial op.

So, I was kind of dumbfounded when, last night, my first, relaxing with sports on the telly in almost two weeks, I kept clicking back to the 30 on 30 flick about the “famous” NFL draft with Elway & Marino & Kelly, etc. The back room machinations caught my attention, and proved interesting. Way more so than hour after hour after hour of bombast from Chris Berman and the aforementioned draft guru, Kiper.

Then again, maybe I’m just so off my feed, so in need of a sports fix, that my sense of what’s interesting and what’s not has been skewed and is in need of alignment.

I might have mentioned in my last blog how much I love that comedian’s pre-draft day impersonation of Kiper on coffee. Dead on. Hilarious.

* * * * *

The other moment that struck me recently was Magic Johnson’s reaction to LeBron’s MVP award.

He didn’t talk about the quality of his balling. Or his place the pantheon of previous winners.

Magic talked about how few TV endorsements James has. How he deserves more.

Huh?

Guess James hasn’t quite figured out how to take his talents to Toyota.

Bottom line is “King” LeBron’s misguided TV announcement of his move to Miami is still haunting him. Because the guy is as amazing a physical baller as has ever been. He’s a good and generous teammate. He’s articulate. He isn’t spotted with his homies on South Beach at 4:30 in the morning. He’s a champion.

Q Score doesn’t easily forget.

* * * * *

No Kirk Hinrich.

No Derrick Rose.

No Luol Deng, who it is said, had a spinal tap. (The mention of which allows me to play this video which has only the slightest connection to the subject matter of the previous sentence.)

No problem. Because the Bulls played like banshees and they did play well. Stealing, as we have come to say it, the first game of the Eastern semis in Miami in front of a stunned crowd, most wearing white because somebody told them to.

Joakim Noah is simply relentless. Nate Robinson had one of those games, you know the kind where a guy grabs the tilt by the short and curlies, makes it his, despite a lip gash requiring ten halftime stitches. And Jimmy Butler . . . uh . . . Jimmy Who? Oh yeah, the 2d year kid out of Butler.

Was Miami “rusty?” Whatever that means? Maybe. I dunno. Who knows? What I do know is the Heat are down a game, making Game Deux a must win.

* * * * *

I’d love to break down San Antonio’s comeback from way down at home against Golden State.

But, I didn’t see it, and my sense of propriety disallows me from opinionating about something of which I haven’t any first hand knowledge.

* * * * *

I know you could care less about hockey. So I’ll refrain there also.

Other than to say the Red Wings attacked the whole 3d period — and I assume in the OT which I didn’t see. Detroit deserved the W, tying the series at 2-2.

* * * * *

Perfunctory Kentucky Derby mention.

Orb won.

Just as my cohort Bill Doolittle said he would. (It’s his second correct Derby prediction in a row.)

* * * * *

Did you think I’d get outtahere without mentioning that little Monday Night W by the Louisville Cardinals a month ago?

Silly you.

At one point last week when I was at the Lagniappe Stage in New Orleans at JazzFest, waiting for what proved to be a searing set by Joe Krown, Walter “Wolfman” Washington and Russell Batiste Jr., I was struck as if from nowhere with this thought: “My Louisville Cardinals won the national championship.”

A month after the fact, this one is still sinking in.

The first sports I watched upon my return to town from that 10 day holiday was . . . a replay of the hard fought semi-final W over feisty Wichita State. Twas a gutty victory.

The Cards were steely in their worst played game of the tourney. Luke Hancock’s three to put the Cards up 5 late was a stunner. No rebounding help. It’s the kind of shot that in the old days would have been extremely ill-advised. Frankly, it was ill advised against the Shockers.

But the Final Four MOP drained it, didn’t he?

Yes, he did.

– Seedy K

Sunday Sound Off: The Full Manti & Much More

c d kaplan — Sun, 20 Jan 2013 19:52:25 +0000

Here’s some perspective, Louisville Cardinal faithful, on yesterday’s home L to Syracuse.

Fourteen teams in the Top 25 lost last week. And that doesn’t include not-in-Top-25 Wisconsin, who gave a Top 10 performance in Bloomington before going Bottom 150 in a loss to Iowa.

It’s conference play time. So much fun it is.

* * * * *

Loyal reader CookieMan called me on the carpet this morning for not mentioning in my blog on U of L/ Syracuse that the Cardinal football team — at least about 1/3 of it — was introduced. To the expected, raucous Standing O. The intro came during the fist media timeout of the 2d half. When, sigh, the Cards were up 48-40.

Five time MLB All-Star Fred McGriff was also in the house yesterday.

* * * * *

Manti Te’o spoke yesterday. Or, so it is said. To Jeremy Schap in a non-videoed conversation.

Apparently he said he “embellished” his romance, but was still the victim there.

Okay, Manti, whatever you say.

Truth, even I have had enough of this “scandal.”

But I’d be remiss if I didn’t use the bully pulpit the refresh your memories about a real tragedy in which Notre Dame football is involved. Not so valiantly either.

I’m talking about the suicide of Lizzy Seeberg, a young woman who really existed. And who is now really dead. She took her own life after allegedly being intimidated by Fighting Irish pigskinners after reporting a sexual assault by one of their teammates.

You can read more details here.

Dave Zirin, the Thomas Friedman of sports columinsts (usually astute, but always arrogant and self righteous) weighed in even more heavily here.

So, tell me Athletic Director Swarbick, does Lizzy’s tale bring you to tears like that of your hallowed linebacker?

* * * * *

Charles Barkley was in full form last night during the UK/ Auburn game.

He called pro agents, “scumbags.”

* * * * *

Now falling near the top of the list of Teams That Will Probably Make The NCAA Tournament That You Don’t Want Your Contender To Face: Colorado State Rams.

Larry Eustachy’s team is 15-3 after last night’s W over Vegas.

Eustachy could always coach. Now that he’s been clean and sober for awhile, he can really coach.

Also perched to prey in that category: Dana Altman’s Oregon Quack.

* * * * *

Atlanta and the 49ers are getting read to kick off.

I sure hope today’s games are exciting. Because I could care less who wins.

* * * * *

In case you haven’t noticed, and I’m sure you haven’t, the NHL opened play this weekend.

* * * * *

In case you haven’t noticed, and I’m sure you haven’t, Part Deux. FC Barcelona lost yesterday in La Liga. They blew a 2-0 lead to lose 2-3 at Real Sociedad.

They now stand 18-1-1 on the season.

* * * * *

Lance Armstrong is still an asshole.

* * * * *

Earl Weaver was such the grouch, he never got quite as much respect as a manager as he deserved.

The same fate came upon his passing.

He bought the farm on the same day as all-time all-star, all time Hall of Famer, all-time good guy, Stan Musial. How cool was the former St. Louis Cardinal who had one of the most unique batting stances ever? He alway carried a harmonica in his sportcoat pocket.

May you both rest in peace.

– Seedy K

Seedy K Sounds Off On Sports Tuesday

c d kaplan — Tue, 08 Jan 2013 15:53:15 +0000

I’m not sure we learned much about the current state of college football from the most boring bowl season in memory. Other than Clemson’s single digit W in the battle of the Death Valleys, the Hook Em Horns late comeback against the Beavers, The Potato Eaters Vegas W over UDub and Arizona’s nailbiter over Nevada, the season was a snoozefest. Lots of blowouts.

Sure Virginia Tech had to go to OT to best Rutgers in the rain. But that was the most boring college football game since a Bernie Scruggs led UK team traveled to IU in the 70s for a “battle” that caused an epidemic of insomnia-induced comas. Only post game therapy at Nick’s with pizza and way more than the minimum daily requirement of pitchers allowed most who attended to revive and survive.

Let’s see what we might have learned this bowl year? (And I don’t mean that Georgia Tech deserved a bid with its losing record.)

Alabama is the best team in the land.

Johnny Football is the most exciting player in the land.

Nick Saban is arguably the best college football coach ever.

Southern Cal sucked.

And Lane Kiffin might be the worst football coach ever to get two such high profile coaching positions.

* * * * *

A playoff system can’t come soon enough.

Let me repeat, once again, four is way too few to make the post season interesting. By a fourth. The only really fair system would be a 16 team playoff. Which eventually will come, but is at least a decade away.

* * * * *

The NFL’s Wild Card Weekend was also mighty lame.

* * * * *

Periodically during that walkover of a “title” game last night I surfed over the CBS Sports, where they were replaying that 75th anniversary Final Four show that ran prior to UK/ U of L.

Lots of interesting coach interviews.

I was surprised how many said their memories and love went back to the iconic ’79 match up between Michigan State and Indiana State. I’m not that much older than these guys. But my memory goes back to listening on the radio to Bill Russell-led San Francisco beating Iowa for the national crown in the mid 50s. And UK’s win at Freedom Hall a couple years later.

Young whippersnappers.

* * * * *

I realize how important the Kentucky Derby and Churchill Downs are to the identity and financial well being of this community.

But Churchill’s arrogant, heavy-handed position that it must be the corporate entity that deserves and must be granted any casino franchise, should the legislature approve same, is . . . to be frank . . . bullshit.

How about a casino downtown that might — and I mean might — really rejuvenate that area. Unlike CordishLand, which is about to undergo its 38th extreme makeover?

* * * * *

Cincy’s Bearcats looked to be legit this season, for the first time in a long while.

Last night, they lost their third in a row at home.

* * * * *

Note to football coaches at every level. When a player, especially your QB limps off the field like Walter Huston in “The Treasure of Sierra Madre,” take him out of the game and put in a replacement.

Even if the player says, “No, no, I’m good to go.”

* * * * *

I’m somewhat stunned at the criticism Brent Musburger is getting for his slobbering mention of AJ McCarron’s girlfriend, when the cameras showed her in the stands.

She’s a babe. And, if any of you guys out there weren’t saying the same thing to yourselves when she was on the screen, your nose is growing.

* * * * *

Pucks is back.

Americans are learning who Lionel Messi is?

Conference games have commenced.

And at least of couple of readers I am so sure will remind me that pitchers and catchers report in XX days.

– Seedy K

Sunday Morning PG: Covering a Wide World of Sports

c d kaplan — Sun, 09 Dec 2012 16:01:43 +0000

I ran into former Cardinal pigskinner Pete Compise yesterday at the Yum!

Of course, we chatted about the tumultuous but glorious last ten days. I asked if, back when he played in the late 60s, he could have conceived of the school’s station in the world of college sports, if he could have conceptualized playing in the Sugar Bowl?

He shook his head no, and laughed.

He agreed we were just excited when they put stands on the empty side of Fairgrounds Stadium.

That’s but one measure of how far U of L football has come.

* * * * *

I’ve spent Sunday morning watching the Manchester Darby.

It is not a horse race.

It’s what they call the incredibly intense soccer rivalry between Man U and Man City. Not only do these neighboring clubs hate each other, they also stand 1 and 2 in the English Premier League table. (Table = Standings.)

U took a 2 nil lead into halftime on a couple Wayne Rooney goals. City fought back to knot it in the second half. Then, with just a few moments to play, Man U tallied on a free kick for the W, to increase their first place lead in the EPL.

This being soccer in England, matters got testy in the stands. A projectile hit one of the Man U players above the eye, opening a gash. A fan ran on the field, apparently toward the referee, though it wasn’t shown on the telecast.

And hundreds of bobbies surrounded the Man U cheering section.

* * * * *

The antithesis in terms of intensity was yesterday’s UCLA vs Texas basketball game played in Reliant Stadium in Houston.

The crowd in the football venue, which seats 71,000 + for that sport, was announced at a hearty 2,797.

Dickie V was distraught.

It was an underwhelming game, won by the underwhelming Bruins, who outscored the Longhorns 12-2 to capture the W by a deuce.

* * * * *

Sam Houston State won in Bozeman Friday night, upsetting Montana State in the NCAA Div I-AA quarterfinals. Yesterday, Georgia South won at higher seeded Old Dominion. Several favorites also won.

Here’s my point. Division I-AA will have a legitimate national champion. The school that prevails will have won it on the field. Every team with a legit claim to the crown will have had an opportunity to prove its worth on the gridiron.

Unlike, well, you know. Division I-A. The Football Bowl Subdivision.

The upcoming four team playoff. Not even close to being fair to all contenders.

* * * * *

I need a show of hands.

Who out there, other than Kirk Herbstreit, cares who wins the Heisman Trophy?

* * * * *

I know about as few of you could give a shit about hockey as care about soccer, but . . .

. . . it sure would be nice if the NHL could settle it’s labor dispute, so we could see some pucks.

* * * * *

Not much of a boxing fan these days.

But I must admit. I just watched a video of Juan Manuel Marquez’s knockout of Manny Pacquiao last night.

I feel so guilty. So, I’ll bid you adieu until later.

– Seedy K

Tuesday Sports Update: A Little of This & Some of That

c d kaplan — Tue, 23 Oct 2012 20:04:32 +0000

Anybody out there watching Celtic take on Barcelona in a Champions League match at Camp Nou?

Didn’t think so.

Surprisingly, Celtic is up early, 1 nil. But you really really don’t care, right?

I’ll move on.

* * * * *

Despite all the negative tests, Lance Armstrong did take performance enhancing drugs, it seems.

Imagine my surprise.

Those 7 Tour de France titles. Forgettaboutem.

As I’ve mentioned before, cyclists taking drugs doesn’t bother me that much. They all did it. Perhaps still do. So that evens things up. Besides, that event is far and away the most arduous sporting contest in the world, so all the more power to them if they need some juice to pump 12 miles up a 12% grade after cycling 100 miles.

Armstrong though is another matter. He’s been so aggressively arrogant about the whole thing.

Bottom line, the guy’s a real schmuck. He’s helped raise tens of millions to fight cancer. Good for him. He’s still a putz.

Disgrace suits him.

* * * * *

As a Tigers fan, I was kind of hoping St. Louis would take the NLCS.

Not that I like the Cardinals. I don’t. They still have the stench of retired Tony LaRussa about them.

But Detroit and St. Louis have a rather testy World Series history. ’34. ’68. ’06. Kind of a rivalry there. A renewal of tensions would have been an interesting dynamic.

But, San Francisco continued its resilient run. Three elimination game wins over the Cardinals. To match the three over the Reds. Six straight elimination game Ws. Got to admire that.

I don’t hate the Giants. But I’ll be sure to be rooting against them.

First pitch tomorrow night.

* * * * *

Iniesta just tied the match 1 apiece for Barca in the 45th minute, right before halftime.

* * * * *

Would somebody please explain the concept of defense to Dana Holgorsen?

The state of West Virginia would be most appreciative.

* * * * *

It’s that time of the year, kids.

When I start to rant about how there’s no college football playoff. And how even the new soon to be seen four team playoff isn’t enough.

Right now, Alabama, Florida, K State, my Quack and, sigh, Notre Dame would all deserve a shot. At the very least.

Eight teams is the absolute minimum number of title contestants that should be competing. Sixteen would be optimum. That way, every school with even a glimmer of a claim to contest for the championship would be included.

Four’s a start. It will expand in the years to come. Because . . . well . . . money talks. And ESPN shall wish it to be so.

* * * * *

No I don’t have any idea why Chane Behanan is in The Rick’s doghouse.

My guess is Pitino needed somebody on the team to rag on, so he pulled Chane’s name out of a hat.

* * * * *

Does the winner of the Ohio State/ Penn State game this weekend get time off its sentence for good performance?

* * * * *

Beaver fever. Oregon State is 6-0. The half dozen Ws is twice as many as it captured all last year. The school hasn’t been 6-0 since the oughts. The 19 oughts.

* * * * *

Why did Cincy go and lose at Toledo last Saturday?

* * * * *

The NHL and the player’s association are still at loggerheads. No pucks yet. Sigh.

Oh yeah, I forgot, you’d just as soon have an update on Messi. (Still 1-1 in the 65th minute.)

* * * * *

Since the real refs returned to the NFL, there hasn’t been much to talk about in the play for pain league.

* * * * *

Our local cable network now carries NBA TV. Haven’t watched for a nanosecond.

– Seedy K

I’m Still Here: Sunday’s Snarls & Snippets

c d kaplan — Sun, 22 Apr 2012 17:50:20 +0000

Yes, my loyal readers, I’m still around. Just kind of hit the wall after the Final Four.

Misplaced my muse.

Had an early season slump, to use baseball lingo. (Though nothing like the BoSox sputtering start. Beantowners aren’t jumping off Fanueil Hall’s tower . . . yet . . . reports my on the scene Red Sox source. A couple more Ls like last night’s meltdown against the Yanks and they’ll be lined up around the block for the chance to swan dive into the Big Dig.)

Anyway, here I be. At least for today. Starting next week, you can find me here at my own website, where I’ll be blogging daily starting Thursday on all matters New Orleans and JazzFest.

Until then, here’s what I’m thinking:

How sad that Rick Pitino felt compelled to steal the spotlight from his son Richard and the school, Florida International, where Pitino the Younger was named head coach. Instead of allowing the announcement to play out in due course, The Rick grabbed the spotlight with his premature announcement of the move.

What a bad week it’s been for my two favorite soccer teams. Tottenhem’s Hotspur continue in free fall. They were crushed awhile back by Arsenal then lost to Chelsea in the FA Cup semis. And have fallen to 5th place in the Premier League, after a loss to an also ran in the league, Queens Park Rangers. Which means no Champions League spot next go round. Things have been downhill for the Hotspur since my groovy sweatshirt arrived from their gear shoppe. And my other favorite, Barca, lost twice last week, shut out in the first leg of the Champions League semis to — here they are again — Chelsea. Then were put down 1-2 by arch rival Real Madrid, which L pretty much assured RM the regular season La Liga title.

My favorite hockey team, Detroit’s Red Wings, fared even worse. Their season is officially terminated. They lost to Nashville in the opening round of the Stanley Cup playoffs.

Texas Rangers look mighty fine again this season. They’ve won two of three from my Tigers. Only Justin Verlander was able to hold them at bay in the second game of a doubleheader yesterday.

How is it that Jim Calhoun is still the coach at UConn?

That Joe Paterno’s family is going to carry its resentment toward Penn State for a long, long, long time.

That I shan’t watch a nanosecond of the NFL draft.

I’ve started reading that history of ESPN my sister and brother-in-law gave me for Hanukkah. Pretty interesting.

That next season, UK Wildcat fans are going to realize how special this championship season was. Having a stalwart senior and a couple of steady sophs proved to be the ballast for this season’s champs. Next year’s all new lineup, no matter how talented, will suffer from inexperience.

I don’t really know much about the Derby prospects of the various contenders. (I always defer to my compatriot Bill Doolittle on that.) But I’d sure like to see Hansen wearing the roses after the race. One of the owners and his wife are good friends. Problem is the thoroughbred is built for speed not distance. Or so I understand. (At any rate, I’ll be at JazzFest, listening to Herbie Hancock, Lost Bayou Ramblers or New Birth Brass Band or a little of all three when the race is being run.)

I remain stunned that Bobby Petrino became so embroiled in his affair with young Ms. Dorrell. That they had an affair and did the nasty, I understand. But all those calls and texts and kisses over lunch and candy gifts. That’s not the snarky, football-focused Bobby Petrino I knew at U of L.

Later . . .

– Seedy K

FFFFinest Sports Week of the Year???

c d kaplan — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 13:22:50 +0000

It’s a rhetorical question, that title that has lured you into my lair.

But a legitimate one nonetheless.

Among the happenings this fine week:

Final Four Weekend. Now there are those college hoops fans who believe the start of practice in October is bigger. For others it’s that national signing day when we see John Calipari reveal his stack of blue chips is bigger, or Championship Week when we revel in Arch Madness. Some think Selection Sunday is bigger, or that the tournament’s opening weekend glut is bigger, yet, frankly . . . sigh . . . we love ‘em all, right?

But, you gotta admit, when it’s down to four, it’s pretty darn exciting. Especially when some teams from around your neck o’ the woods are still standing. Like this year, or likely next, when, hey, how about a FF with UK, U of L and IU? Hot ‘Lanta. Free concert by the Allman Brothers Band. Book it, Dano.

Anyway, UK won its 8th title this week. Not a bad kickoff to this seven days.

Final Four Weekend, Part Deux. The distaff version of college hoops also concluded its season this week.

Baylor won forty games without a loss, thanks to the 6-8 presence of Britney Griner. And a stellar supporting cast.

That all the #1 seeds made it to Denver proves yet again that the sport still hasn’t reached parity. That UConn didn’t make it to the title game for the second year in a row proves the presence of a benevolent hoops deity.

Now, I don’t want to get too wacky here, but watching Griner and listening to an interview with her, I kept thinking of the film, “Berlin 36.” It is the little known but true story of how the Nazis kept a female Jewish high jumper of considerable talent, Gretel Bergmann, off the German team competing in Berlin. She was replaced by Dora Ratjen. Turns out Ratjen was a man, and the Nazis knew it.

Now, I’m not sayin’ Griner’s a guy. But . . .

(Why, as I move on to the next paragraph, do I have the uneasy feeling that little section is going to get me in trouble?)

Not So Frozen Four. The NCAA men’s ice hockey championship is also this week. The semis start tonight and feature long time powers Boston College and Minnesota in one match, and upstarts Ferris State and Union in the other.

What has me smiling is that the Frozen Four is being contested in that long time bastion of ice hockey: Tampa, Florida.

I dunno? You tell me.

Final Week of Pucks. Speaking of hockey, it’s the last week of the NHL’s regular season, with several clubs still fighting down to the wire for the final Stanley Cup playoff spots.

Futbol Four. There’s probably about four of you out there that have paid attention to the European Champions League, which whittled its participants down to four this week.

Chelsea, Real Madrid, Bayern Munich and my faves, the Lionel Messi-led FC Barcelona qualified for that Final Four this Tuesday and Wednesday.

Fore Weekend. I’m not a big golf fan. But I am a sports fan. So I watch the majors.

The Masters is a major. It starts today.

Augusta National Golf Course, for all the pretension surrounding it, is mighty telegenic. You’d never guess that the main entrance sits on a commercial strip of thoroughfare that looks like Shelbyville Road across from Oxmoor. And that it sits in the middle of Augusta, not out in some bucolic country setting.

The club is surrounded by an imposing fence and vegetation, the message of which is: “Don’t even think about stepping foot on this property unless invited, or you’ll be shot on sight.”

Four Bagger Weekend. Baseball starts this week. Actually I think there was a game last night.

I do know my Detroit Tigers open this afternoon on the Deuce against the Red Sox with their new manager, the ever outspoken Bobby Valentine. Justin Verlander takes the mound for the Motowners. Prince Fielder, whom I will mention since his name starts with an F, makes his debut at first base for Detroit, where his daddy once played. He can hit some four baggers.

The only real baseball news that grabbed my attention is that big ass contract the Reds gave rising star Joey Votto. One scribe dubbed it “Grand Theft Votto.” Cute.

Okay, th, th, that’s all, folks.

(Except for, I suppose, spring football practice, which is, as far as I’m concerned, something to be slobbered over only by guys who used to be jayvee volunteer assistants, wearing double knit shorts. And, of course, those who think Nick Saban, not Tiger Woods, is the Real Messiah.)

– Seedy K

Yoo Hoo, NBA and NFL, Knockoff the Lockouts, please!

c d kaplan — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 20:21:09 +0000

What a pity that major league baseball and the National Hockey League don’t have labor agreements coming to an end this season. Then we’d have a clean sweep of intransigent owners and overvalued players picketing and firing polemics at each other.

If MLB locks out McCourt in LA, we might be able to get a ruling that it’s a lockout. That would give us a hat trick.

Let’s see if I have this right?

The NBA, while it has some franchises standing on shaky ground, just had its most beloved Finals in recent times. Interest here and abroad is at an all-time high.

The NFL has several printers running 24/7/365 printing profits. It’s almost like Richard Libertini’s velvet art-loving General Garcia in “The In Laws,” stealing money plates from around the world. Only Alan Arkin’s Sheldon Kornpeth, previously a milquetoast Manhattan dentist, and rogue CIA agent Peter Falk’s Vince Ricardo, saved the day.

Perhaps we can have them parachute in on David Stern, Billy Hunter, Roger Goodell and DeMaurice Smith and talk some sense into these guys.

Are these fools trying to commit hari kiri?

Jerry Jones paid a billion bucks for a stadium, and he’s looking for support from John Q. Fan, who needs new wheels and has to look at 2002 Corollas. LeBron wants us to go back to our daily existence, where health insurance is a constant worry, while he dallies by his private pool in his manse in a gated community.

Gentlemen — and I use that term most loosely — sit down and settle your differences and get back to the games.

An unsteady country, still feeling its way around economic turmoil, needs your games to maintain some sanity. It’s about time you all found your own. And ended these absurd lockouts.

– Seedy K

Heat, Headbands & Hosers Hosed: Tuesday’s Tidbits

c d kaplan — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 13:46:43 +0000

What lessons did I learn from Breakfast at Roland Garros on Sunday morn?

For one, Phil Knight remains the real King of Sports. (Take that LeBronBron!) There were more swooshes about than on Jay Cardosi’s weather map with one of those Grateful Dead t-shirt storms coming through.

But seriously. The real take away is that Rafie and Roger could teach LeBronBron a thing or two about how to wear a headband. Lower on the forehead, dude. It’ll totally change your underwhelming game.

Don’t get me wrong, even those tennis aces don’t approach the sartorial transcendence of Slick Watts. But, neither do they appear to be impersonating a monk.

* * * * *

As for hoops itself. Well, tonight’s the night for the Mavs.

They have to win the next two at home to have any chance whatsoever of capturing this series. I don’t see how they can do it. Just not enough talent and scoring ability.

I do want to give some props to Chris Bosh. Not only did he can the winning jumper the other night, but afterward — if the highlights I saw told the whole story — he just turned and ran down court instead of woofin’. (And, my fellow sports aficionados, the reason I watched highlights instead of the game itself, was simple. “Treme.” The HBO series about post-Katrina New Orleans is viewing priority Numero Uno in our household.)

* * * * *

Beantown’s Bruins bounced back — with terrible swift sword — in Game #3 of the Quest for Lord Stanley’s Cup.

8-1, the hosers took it on the chin.

If only Vancouver woulda had, ya know, Paul Revere to ring them bells and fire them warning shots, like he did for the British, then all woulda been okey dokie for the Canucks.

* * * * *

Sorry I’m going to miss The Rick’s press conference this morning to explain how he’s going to whittle down his cast of thousands to a manageable roster. I’ve a prior committment.

Anxious to see how it all shakes out?

* * * * *

It’s time for me to pay attention to MLB again. My surging Tigers are now but a game and a half behind in the AL Central.

Not that I’m a fair weather fan or anything. Now, where did I put that Detroit ballcap?

* * * * *

Did you see that assessment of next year’s college football season that had LSU on top o’ the heap?

Apparently someone at Sporting News hasn’t been paying attention. Steve Kragthorpe’s going to be running that offense. And coaching the QBs.

– Seedy K

Heat Melt, Messi Mugged & Lord Stanley Still Reigns

c d kaplan — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 14:18:43 +0000

My man Mark isn’t going to like this.

Actually, I’m a bit miffed myself.

I fell prey last night to what I call World Series Syndrome. Which means Game Deux of the NBA Finals started so late — at least for us old farts — that I fell asleep.

In the first half.

Then I rallied.

Then again in the second half, right after D Wade drove for a dunk after the double team slipped away and the Mavs bigs didn’t protect the hoop.

Next thing I remember is being awakened in my recliner by the voices of that triumverate of clowns calling the game for ABC who are shrieking, “Dallas has come back from 15 down to tie the game.”

Wow, I thought to myself, after a Game #1 that was duller than watching U of L beat up on South Dakota A & P in a December warm up tilt, these finals may be a series after all.

I did catch the fascinating end though. You know what happened, but I’ll reiterate anyhow.

Chris Bosh didn’t fight through a ball screen, allowing Dirk Nowitzki an open trey, which he drained. Jason Terry lost his man on the ensuing inbounds play. Mario Chalmers did his NCAA title game redux, draining an open three from the corner. Then the Heat, regressing to freshmanitis, failed to take advantage of a foul to give, allowing that German wünderballer to drive to the hoop, canning the winning deuce with his injured left hand.

Watching the highlights, I observed that, during its comeback, Dallas did the tighten up on defense. Miami did the tighten up on offense. The former is far more preferable than the latter.

I still believes talent wins out here. Dwayne Wade is not your normal Scottie Pippen second banana. The question is whether Dallas’s guile can overcome Heat bravado. (LBJ, it’s just a damn dunk for heavens’ sakes. Stop woofin’ and get down the court on D.)

If the Mavs can win a couple in Big D little a double l a s, they might just have a shot to steal one of the last two on South Beach. Dallas has the better coach. And, until He Who Would Call Himself King closes out a championship, I remain a doubter.

* * * * *

Lionel Messi, the best soccer player in the world now, and arguably the best ever, returned in triumph to his native Argentina. Or, so it should have been. His F C Barcelona bashed Man U last week for the Champions League title. Thanks to a couple brilliant plays by #10.

During an autograph session, some kid hauled off and either punched or tried to punch the diminutive star. Talk about your Rodney Dangerfield moment. Guess those gauchos remain groucho because Messi hasn’t yet lead the homeland to the World Cup title.

* * * * *

You’ve heard this before, and you’re now going to hear it again. (Unless, of course, you surf away.)

The Stanley Cup playoffs are, due to the nature of hockey, consistently more compelling than the championship playdowns of any other sport.

This was confirmed yet again, in Vancouver’s stunning 1-0 W in the Finals opener Wednesday night.

The goalies were incredible at both ends of the ice. Defense reigned. The Canucks and Boston’s Bruins battled for 59:42 without a tally. Then, with OT a seeming certainty, Raffi Torres took a nifty pass from Jannik Hansen then slipped the biscuit in the basket.

So, as I say every year, check it out. Give pucks a chance, etc, etc, etc. With an open mind, you’ll be glad you did.

– Seedy K