Tuesday Tidbits: Tsouris On Tobacco Road +

Okay for those of you not fluent in Yiddish, the definition:

Tsouris translates as trouble, distress, heartburn from the outcome of a stressful situation.  It’s a feeling to be avoided at all costs.

Well, it’s what those hallowed Tobacco Road superschools are feeling these days. At least that’s what right minded observers of the sports scene and any college hoops or pigskin fan who hates that duo of ACC powers is hoping for. There are times when schadenfreude is legit. This is one.

Duke and North Carolina, come on down. It’s your moment on the hot seat. Let’s pray the register is cranked to 11.

Before we get into the generalities of these rule-breaking situations, a musical interlude to set the scene. Cue the lip-syncing Nashville Teens.

Okay, where were we? Oh yes, breakin’ the rules in Durham and Chapel Hill. I know, it is hard hard hard to believe, but, as Lilly von Shtupp confirmed in “Blazing Saddles,” “It’s twu, it’s twu.”

Seems they made up courses at Carolina. Athletes got grades for classes they never had to attend. Classes that never actually existed. 54 of them. Etc, etc. Need I be more specific? Well, I could, but I won’t. Pretty egregious stuff. Somebody mentioned that the NCAA investigator was a Tar Heel grad. That one of the “advisors” in the school department where these fake classes existed was football star Julius Peppers’ agent.

Yes I know, pretty nasty stuff. Which means that North Carolina Asheville best be aware. Your tennis team is about to be gobsmacked for giving the players a couple extra bucks to eat at McD’s after an away match.

And now it seems that the Holiest of the Holy — Coach K’s always clean as a freshly scrubbed baby’s tush Duke Blue Devils — may not have washed behind the ears. (Where did that Maggette kid go?) Lance Thomas, a member of Duke’s last NCAA title team decided in advance that some baubles, bangles and beads would be appropriate to celebrate. So he put down $30 Large on a a hundred grand’s worth of bling.

Then, he couldn’t come up with the rest, so the jeweler to the stars sued Thomas for the balance on the loan, which might not have been available to normal students at the university. Which means the rest of us now know of his affection for black diamonds. And that he was surely getting some carry around cash from somewhere way in excess of the sanctioned meal and laundry moolah allowed.

So those of us taken to disliking Carolina and Duke because of their inherent sanctimonious ways, and how Dickie V slobbers over them like a new grand baby, are just pleased as punch to see those schools squirming.

Oh yes, a warning to North Carolina Central. The NCAA is going to be put in a box, forced to come down hard because of Duke’s transgressions. Be afraid, NCC. be very afraid.

I love how the article in Sporting News about the UNC situation refers to the man who went on national TV to come down with terrible swift sword on Penn State — NCAA prexy Mark Emmert — as Mr. Big Stick.

So, yeah, Mr. Big Stick, it seems like it’s time to start swingin’ that thang.

Did I mention there’s stuff goin’ down at NC State. Does the name Rodney Purvis sound familiar? Hmm, may be more carcinogens along Tobacco Road than even the Surgeon General suspected.

* * * * *

Tip o’ the ballcap to Andy Murray. He stayed the course despite adversity in the wind-riven US Open final and bested Novak Djokovic in 5 sets over 5 hours for his first Grand Slam W. The first for a tennis player from the British Isles since Fred Perry in ’36.

A month ago, he won the Olympic gold medal at centre court Wimbledon.

So, it seems fair to say he’s had the most wonderful summer of his life. Which phraseology allows me to link in one of my guilty favorite songs. Robin Ward, sing it girl.

* * * * *

The NFL is back. And we football fans love that, right?

But I gotta admit. I’m having a hard time watching these LBs and DBs launching themselves like missiles at guys carrying the ball and receivers who have just caught a pass and, most especially, receivers who didn’t just catch a pass. There was a lot of head to head contact this weekend.

Gratuitous on field violence doesn’t sit well with me.

Then again, these are rollerball gladiators who play with torn spleens.

* * * * *

Finally, kudos to my NASCAR fave, Jeff Gordon. He slipped into The Chase after a second place finish at Richmond.

– Seedy K


  1. Wildcat
    Posted September 11, 2012 at 12:31 pm | Permalink

    This posting is better than Christmas morning and Thanksgiving day dinner combined. It makes up for a horrible weekend for the Packers. It almost atones for Coach Ratface getting an Olympic gold medal. Oh boy, oh boy! Please keep your readers up-to-date on these events, Seedy.

  2. Doug Prather
    Posted September 11, 2012 at 12:53 pm | Permalink

    I must admit to feelings of schadenfreude, if not out-and-out glee, when it comes to a certain holier-than-thou Koach on Tobacco Road. If there’s a karma debt involved I’m certainly willing to pay in this instance.

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