Joey, Baby/ Don’t get crazy/ Detours, Fences/ I get defensive.
Or to quote FDR, another American almost as famous as whoever wrote those Concrete Blonde and Sugarland tunes, “This is a date which shall live in infamy.”
Yes, college pigskin fans, I, your erstwhile resident “expert” picked Clemson in the Sugar Bowl. Adding to the ignominy of that idiocy is this unfortunate reality. So too, did Joey the Vig himself.
Which, if you’ve been following this soap opera of Bowl Pool Season, you will understand leaves me tied with Mr. Vig himself for last place in his little gaming creation. (And therefore he and I are mano a mano for the Booby Prize, which JTV has previously claimed for himself in addition to the rake off the top.) Of course, he listed my name on the bottom of the list in the updated standings. In bold. ALL CAPS.
No, Martha Stewart, it is not a good thing. (Speaking of Stewarts, there is one less stop in the cybergalaxy today. Those West Virginia Mountaineer fans staying loyal to displaced mentor Bill Stewart have finally, like Michelle Bachmann days before, given it up. RehireBillStewart.com exists no more.)
* * * * *
So, with my special security detail, fresh off a tour of duty in Iraq under contract to the government, in place, protecting the perimeter of my abode from Sal and Vito, I waited to hear this morning from Joey the Vig himself. And waited. And waited.
Surely JTV would want to make me some offer he would assure me I couldn’t refuse regarding our precarious situation. It would enure to his benefit financially. And by voluntarily accepting same, would enure to my benefit from a health and longevity standpoint. No small matter. I cherish my limbs and the use of all my digits.
And I waited some more, somewhat confused. The Vig is nothing if not a man of action, immediate action when it affects his pocketbook.
Finally The Vig communicated. Seemed he’d “been with his dentists all morning.” Having recently watched Laurence Olivier and Dustin Hoffman again in “Marathon Man,” I became even tighter of sphincter.
However, Joey The Vig must have still been under the influence of some strong anesthesia. He was relatively calm. There were no threats.
He simply said, “You’ll be hearing from me.”
* * * * *
My fate vis a vis Joey The Vig in this pool is in the hands of Arkansas State and Alabama. If they cover, I hit rock bottom in concrete brogans and win the Booby Prize. Which means a few drachma coming my way.
Which will be enough to cover a portion of the co-pay for the medical treatment that will be necessary after hearing from Sal and Vito. Because JTV doesn’t like to lose, even when it means he’s the biggest loser.
– Seedy K