Pop Quiz. Does Trinity High School field the best football team in the commonwealth?

Well, probably not. But the simple reality that asking the question about the Shamrocks, without invoking peals of laughter, tells what a lurching, less than satisfactory beginning of the season it’s been for the Cards. And the Cats. And the Hilltoppers. And the Hoosiers.

One is the Loneliest Number. After Howard Schnellenberger’s Fighting Owls were obliterated 0-44 at Michigan State, the coach was succinct. “We were inconsistent and horrible.”

How bad? FAU had one (1) first down in the game. FAU rushed 20 times for 22 yards. FAU was 6/13 in the air for 26 yards. FAU did play a lot of defense . . . 42:26 worth.

Afterwords, The Schnell did not mince words. “It was what it was. The defense couldn’t stop them and our offense couldn’t move the ball.”

Two can be as Bad as One (It’s the Loneliest Number since the Number One). Upon learning that Michigan came back and vanquished F-Bomb Kelly’s Not So Fighting Irish, I was most distraught. It wasn’t until I awakened the a.m. that I savored the outcome.

After a long day in front of the TV, watching some amazing games, most in the SEC, I simply conked out during the first night game in the Big House. If only I’d have power chugged a couple 5 Hour Energy drinks, I could have enjoyed it in real time. I could have observed the ever reserved F-Bomb melt down along the Ann Arbor sideline.

Sigh.

So, the tally thus far this season for F-Bomb Kelly’s “rejuvenated” Fighting Irish. Zero wins. Two losses.

I just watched the highlights of this game, which makes me doubly sorry I didn’t hook up a hep lock with a caffeine drip. Three TDs in the last 1:12, the winning score tallied with :02 on the clock. This game in front of 114,000, matching two long time midwestern behemoths, surely matched Auburn’s last second save against Mississippi State and South Carolina’s back and forth border war with Georgia.

One week after that stunning Baylor/ TCU tussle, a game I figured might not be matched for excitement all year, it was trumped times three.

Three is a Charm . . . So are you Game? (Thank you Britney. I wasn’t sure if this whole number thing was going to work.)

It’s the third game of the year, which means the semi-annual, somewhat traditional Red vs. Blue rivalry game is in Lexington.

I have notes about U of L and UK. Frankly, it’s the same old blather. Offensive line and secondary woes for one. Inconsistent play on both sides of the ball for the other. Or is it vice versa? You’ve heard it all before. No need to add to the redundancy.

The woeful performances presented by the Cats and Cards so far make this game more important that ever. Neither of these teams is going anywhere. So bragging rights for the year mean a lot.

Saturday’s battle may not be pretty. But it sure should be competitive.

My pick will be revealed later in the week as kickoff approaches. I know you are on pins and needles. My guess is it will surprise you.

Speaking of numbers . . . the breakdown of play for pay pigskinners is fascinating. Kentucky has beaten U of L four times in a row. Yet, if the stats provided in this morning’s C-J are correct, there are 18 former Cardinals in the NFL, but only 10 former Wildcats. Playing in the United Football League and north of the border are 8 former Cards vs. only a single former Cat.

The totals in case you’ve lost your abacus: U of L 26, UK 11.

That Heisman Thing. Normally, Scarlett, I don’t give a damn about this silly POY award. Rarely talk about it. Never never ever watch the ceremony.

But I do now have a dark horse I hope wins the thing. Melvin Ingram.

The South Carolina DL tallied twice yesterday. First, scampering — and I mean scampering — 60+ yards on a fake punt, juking his way past defenders into the end zone. Then, after cohort Jadeveon Clowney turned the Georgia QB into a rag doll, causing him to relinquish the pigskin, my man Melvin scooped it up for a 5 yard TD.

And, when the Gamecocks needed a grab on an onsides kick to secure their W, Ingram leaped in the air to seal the W.

The Uni Report. Michigan and Notre Dame’s “throw backs” were pretty damn stylin’ if you ask me.

My Quack looked replendent in iridescent yellow jerseys. And rolled over Nevada.

Georgia wisely went trad. But still lost, making Mark Richt a Dead Man Walking.

– Seedy K