I am fully prepared to watch the world’s most narcissistic brand, LeBron James, go Lindsay Lohan middle finger on his hometown tonight. Such a crass move would give new meaning to Greenwich Mean Time.
It would be beyond mean, it would be Modellish hellish.
If the homie flees his nest, there will be more burning tonight in Cleveland than Lake Erie. It’ll make Detroit after that ’68 World Series win look like the Crescent Hill July 4th picnic.
I have no sources whatsoever on this. Not that anybody does, unless you matriculated through school in Akron with He Who Wishes He Were Really KIng and are now part of his coterie of sycophants.
I do know this, it will be the most significant moment in the NBA since Bird and Magic entered the league together and saved it from the drugstore it had become in the 70s.
And, no matter what LeBron decides, the league — nay, the world of sports — will be less well off when ESPN signs off at 10:00 than it is now. The LeBron hooha is having the exact opposite effect of the Bird/ Magic rivalry, where nothing mattered but Winning the Game. Now nothing matters but ME and my BRAND.
If LeBron leaves Cleveland, after all his hometown Schnellenbergian we’re in this together BS, loyalty will have taken a big hit. Cavs fans will know what U of L fans feel like, what it feels like to have the object of your love, affection and support reward your decades of loyalty with a punch to the solar plexus.
My hunch is he’ll jump.
Given that, if he truly cares about winning, there is only one choice: Chicago.
Bosh is overrated. Wade and James won’t know when to bust a move or pass it to each other. The trio would make the failed West/ Baylor/ Chamberlain experiment look like the discovery of the Salk vaccine.
Bottom line is I’m a college hoops fan. So, unless, LeBron really pulls a surprise tonight and announces he’s going to play next year for Coach Cal at UK, I could care less.
But I do love me some trash TV. I tuned in when Geraldo opened that empty vault where Capone allegedly stashed his millions, and found nuttin’ honey. I tune in annually to Nathan’s Famous on the 4th. The Film Babe and I actually sat through an entire episode of Wedding Planner Smackdown the other night.
So I’ll be watching. Call it a guilty pleasure, if you must.
And I’ll be glad I’m doing it from here, not Cleveland.
– Seedy K