When 76 Trombones led . . .

. . . the big parade welcoming Coach Cal to the Bluegrass, we should maybe have taken a better look around the corner in the direction they were coming from, don’t ya think?

‘Cause the way it’s lookin’, Coach Cal may indeed be Conman Cal. At best, UK fans hope he morphs into Harold Hill, you know The Music Man. At worst, the most penalized program in the history of college hoops may be in for some more dark days. I swear it looks like that’s an Emery freight envelope under that new throne just installed at Rupp.

Listen to me closely for a second, Ye Big Blue Faithful, it’s not just folks from Loserville — Tard fans, you call them — who think your new basketball coach may eventually prove to be a pig in a poke. Or, to return one more once to lyricist Meredith Wilson:

Well, either you’re closing your eyes/ To a situation you do now wish to acknowledge/ Or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated

And we are not musing about any new pool tables down at the Two Keys. Wait a sec, isn’t that Billy Clyde in a pinch-back suit over there with a pool cue in his hand?

Note that I’ve patiently waited until Paragraph #6 to pull out my now hackneyed, way too oft used quote on how Coach Cal got all those superduperpreps to come eat dry ribs at the Rendezvous, and play in a crappy conference for a school never on the tube: “No salary cap.” I’m tellin’ ya, it cracks me up every time.

So then, my advice to those Big Blue fans who are going to learn probably sooner than later what the blues really are: Enjoy next season. It may be the last happy one for awhile. If you think all those top ten prepsters decided at the last minute to come to Lexington because they suddenly loved the strains of “On On U of K,” well, check the cabbage falling out of their back pockets.

Because history tells us — not just a sardonic, bemused cynic like me — history tells us: UK, with John Calipari at the helm, has a better chance of landing in the NCAA hoosegow with Ws taken off its ledger than it does of an era of The Baron Redux. And it also tells us that Mitch Barnhart and Lee Todd got some ‘splainin’ to do.

Is that a Tar Heel I see jogging off into the distance with the most program wins all-time?

“No salary cap” — I love that line.

– Seedy K

3 Comments

  1. cbcard
    Posted May 28, 2009 at 7:13 pm | Permalink

    This is beginning to remind me of 8th (?) grade when my English teacher requested that I “compare and contrast.” Let me set the perimeters. I am thinking of IU-Samsen and UK-Calipari,

  2. Camp T
    Posted June 10, 2009 at 10:55 am | Permalink

    What garbage.

    NCAA Infractions:

    Pitino – 8
    Calipari – o

    Most recent Probation:

    UofL – 1990′s

  3. Camp T
    Posted June 10, 2009 at 11:06 am | Permalink

    http://www.ncaa.org/wps/ncaa?ContentID=11013

    In case you’d missed it.

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